The dreaded day finally came...

This whole Kitana starting school thing has been such an interesting experience. I knew it was going to be hard for me and I know it happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen. I was decided whether or not she should go to school for TK. Well, the school I wanted her to attend only accepted siblings into the TK program. I had called them a couple of times through out the year to see if anything had changed. They finally got my information and told me that they would call me if anything changed and it did! They decided to have a class just for TK (in prior years the TK students were with the regular kinder kids) and they decided to allow non-siblings into the class! I was both excited and nervous. The school is very hard to get into and I knew this would be her chance to get in. I was only going to send her to TK if she has her own TK class, got into this particular school and had a certain teacher. Well, all three of these things ended up happening. It was very clear where the Lord wanted her to be. I found out at the beginning of April that she would be starting school in four months. It was hard to comprehend it all in just 4 short months, but at the same time if I had known earlier it would have made it that much harder. It all worked out exactly how it was supposed to :)

I was pretty much in denial the whole time and it really affected me emotionally. I really lost it the day before I had to send her. I seriously felt like I was going to have a panic attack, I couldn't even think straight. Just the thought of putting her in someone else's care was terrifying. Who would give her a hug if she feel, who would help her open her applesauce, who would make sure she was safe? I was going crazy! Paul gave me a blessing and I was reminded that our Father in Heaven has the ability to protect her more than I ever could. The blessing gave me the peace that I needed. I was still a complete mess on the first day of school. The tears didn't start until I walked her to her class room. As she sat down I completely lost it! Thankfully Paul was there with me, it was awful. I felt like a part of me was missing. I felt like a completely different person that entire day. I cried every day (little cry) for pretty much an entire month. That first week felt like a terrible nightmare. I was so tired too! It's hard work making sure we are all up, ready and to school on time. And then to have to pick her up as well. 

End of September update: I now only get upset like 1-2 times a week. It is becoming more routine. Kitana just loves school and begs to go full day! She is one of like 2-3 kids in her class that leaves half day. I told her after she turned five and I would let her stay one full day a week. She is so super excited! It's fun to see her growing and making friends. She has an incredible teacher who is so caring and patient. I couldn't be happier with her :)

On a positive note..sending her to school meant we got to do a fun little photo shoot!

 She is such a goofball. This pose was all her idea. Actually most of the shoot was her directing herself. She had lots of cute little ideas of how to stand, sit and lay. And she couldn't leave out her frozen lunch pail!

 Didn't want to forget my cute little Z. She waited patiently for her turn.

 I asked her to put her hands on her hips and this is what I got. I just love her, she is the funnest!!

 Saying our goodbyes for that first day.

I only made it this far and then had to hurry and rush out of the room in a fit of tears. I don't even know what was happening, it all went by so fast. I wish I could have composed myself for a few minutes to stay in the room with her. All the other parents stayed, but I was a mess! First day was a HUGE success! She loved it so much and everyone was so nice to her.